As if you needed more reasons to buy your gifts from Booktopia (in stock titles need to be order by December 10 for delivery in time for Christmas), we decided to explore the heady world of Mall Santa.
You see, Mall Santa comes much earlier than his boss Santa Claus. He arrives at a shopping centre near your house. He brings his elves, who look alarmingly like disinterested high school dropouts with plastic ears. He poses for photos and asks children what they’d like for Christmas.
He makes children cry.
That’s right, I said it. Santa scares children. He has a comically unkempt beard, a giant bright red robe and army boots. He works for a man with magic powers, which he uses to break into houses to eat cookies and drink milk. He leaves presents at the foot of beds, and his handwriting looks eerily like a tipsy adult’s.
Picture it. Once a year, your parents grab you, throw you in the car, and drive you to the loudest place in the world where you are told to sit on a strange man’s knee and asked by him, with a brandy breath, if you’ve been a good little boy or girl this year.
Nope. It’s just not right. Buying gifts at Booktopia is just easier. No queues. No crying children. No brandy breath. Check out our Christmas Gift Guide today, and stop this madness.
About the Contributor
Andrew Cattanach is a regular contributor to The Booktopia Blog. He has been shortlisted for The Age Short Story Prize and was named a finalist for the 2015 Young Bookseller of the Year Award. He enjoys reading, writing and sleeping, though finds it difficult to do them all at once.
Follow Andrew: Twitter