Amy Schumer: I am not who I sleep with. I am not my weight. I am not my mother.

by |August 5, 2016

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Not many people have Emmy award-winning comedian, writer and actress on their business cards. Or an Instagram account with just under 5 million followers. Or a BFF who’s Jennifer Lawrence… unless you’re Amy Schumer, of course!

The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo is the upcoming memoir by this irreverent comic genius and star of Inside Amy Schumer and Trainwreck. However, this book is more than just another comedy routine. She mines her past for stories about her teenage years, family, relationships and sex, all served up as refreshingly candid and uproariously funny essays.

Prepare to wet your pants.

Expect a little of this …

‘I will speak and share and f*ck and love and I will never apologize to the frightened millions who resent that they never had it in them to do it. I stand here and I am amazing, for you. Not because of you. I am not who I sleep with. I am not my weight. I am not my mother. I am myself. And I am all of you, and I thank you.’

And a little of this …

‘Nothing good ever happens in a blackout. I’ve never woken up and been like, ‘What is this Pilates mat doing out?’

… which is equally important!

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An excerpt from The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo (from Vogue):

I have had only one one-night stand in my life. I’m so sorry to disappoint anyone who thinks I walk around at all times with a margarita in one hand and a dildo in the other. Maybe the misunderstanding comes from the fact that, onstage, I group together all my wildest, worst sexual memories – a grand total of about five experiences over the course of 35 years. When you hear about them back-to-back it probably sounds like my vagina is a revolving door at Macy’s during Christmastime. But I talk about these few misadventures because it’s not that funny or interesting to hear about someone’s healthy, everyday sex life. Imagine me onstage saying, “So last night I got in bed with my boyfriend and we held each other in a supportive, loving way, and then he made sweet love to me.” The crowd would walk out, and I’d walk out with them.

Sometimes I try to convince myself that I can have emotionless sex, but I haven’t even made out with a guy I’ve met after one of my shows. I know some male comics who say they’ve never gotten laid without the girl seeing them perform first. In my experience the life of a female comic is not one that results in any sort of action. I’m not in this for the dick is what I’m saying. When I’m single and one-night stands present themselves, I am usually a fairly self-protective chick. Well, except for this one time. . . .

Continue reading the excerpt from The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo

 The Girl with the Lower Back Tattooby Amy Schumer

The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo

by Amy Schumer

Amy Schumer. Frank, fearless and so freaking funny. Her story. In her own words.

Amy Schumer is taking the world by storm. In just a few short years, she's become a huge movie star, writing and starring in Trainwreck, acclaimed as a subversive comic genius, and collecting an Emmy and Peabody Award for her sketch comedy series, Inside Amy Schumer. She's outrageously funny, fantastically rude, sly, sharp, provocative, unexpected, original, fresh, rule-breaking. Her videos regularly go viral ...

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About the Contributor

Anastasia Hadjidemetri is the former editor of The Booktopian and star of Booktopia's weekly YouTube show, Booked with Anastasia. A big reader and lover of books, Anastasia relishes the opportunity to bring you all the latest news from the world of books.

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